Introspect if you dare

Cinquecento

Cento

Prolonged introspection is a lukewarm bath that started out piping hot; what was recently pleasantly all-encompassing is now a tepid reminder of the reality of the world beyond the bath. A poignant interaction, a stunning disappointment, a touching line of prose or lyric, a newly remembered memory; all of these can spur an initially searing moment of introspection. At the onset, heart and brain fire in beautiful collaboration as the adrenaline surges. Synapses fire and energy levels rise! Riding the wave, I sometimes hold on too long, and find myself lolling in the shallows with sand in the butt of my bathing suit.

The Path oF Introspection – 11 January 2012

(Uno) 1. Artists’ works are mirrors and windows; mirrors in which we can catch a glimpse of truth in ourselves, and windows through which we can see the depths of humanity.

(Due) 2. Constant relocation breeds independence as much as despair.

(Tre) 3. Being nice instead of rising to a necessary conflict is weak.

(Quattro) 4. If you really like to do something, you’d better make it your priority because nobody else is going to do that for you.

(Cinque) 5. Denying anger leaves you feeling helpless and inept. Doing something positive feels vivid and real. Talk and thoughts are not enough.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Introspect if you dare

  1. Monica

    two favorite funny quotes that I found when I went looking for something witty to say to you about introspection:

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.
    – Mark Twain

    and

    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
    – Hunter S. Thompson

    and now my question to you:

    What is the name of the movie they will make about your life?

    and who will play you?

    SMOOCHES!

  2. Yes to everything in this post.

    #3 and #5 have become real sticking points for me. Although I don’t avoid conflict by being nice, I just avoid it! And I too often only express anger in ways that don’t help.

    • Yea, I actually wrote this on a *really* tough day. I originally wrote #5 as “I really am an asshole.” But that was just too pathetic for me to let stand – and it isn’t true. It sure felt that way though, developing the list actually came from me digging into why I felt like an asshole when I hadn’t been one.

      The anger thing is really tough because I can’t think of many positive examples (from life experience) to model expression of anger. Yet, I work really hard to “allow” myself to feel angry when that’s what I’m feeling. I mean that I allow myself to acknowledge the anger I’m feeling without resenting it. That is the baby step I am stuck on. I can see the promise land ahead of me – once I freely acknowledge and accept anger, it will still come, but it won’t hang around so long.

      I also think my desire to avoid conflict is part of my still-developing abilities to deal with feelings of anger. After all, what if I get angry during a conflict? Fuck, I wouldn’t know what to do – and then I’d do something really wacky that I might later…uh…regret. Or, I’d run from my anger with my tail between my legs and whatever the conflict was, I’d be on the losing end of it. Neither outcome is desirable, so I avoid it. The “being nice” thing is probably a social side-effect of growing up in the midwest – niceness soothed us there.

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